Unicorns and all that jazz

Egos. We've all got one. Some are bigger, some more fragile, some are more brazen and shown to the world. But I think we can all agree that in some way, shape or form - we all have an ego. And it can be tough when it takes a blow.  Especially when it's a fat girl who puts the mortal combat moves straight through it... I am not stunningly beautiful. I don't have a magical fanny and I have a gag reflex. Even my personality is a bit crap to be honest with you. So why is it that the men I've had in my life find it so hard when I decide to leave? Especially when none of them have really loved me. Ego. Whether they would like to admit it or not, the fat girl is supposed to be desperate. You're supposed to leave them, you're meant to not find them attractive not the other way around. It's a bitter pill to swallow when the person who society and the media say is unattractive and unworthy isn't interested in you. I last saw K nearly 18 months ago. I'd...

Something that is very common in this new millennium is blended families. Step, half, full; even close friends can be classed as family when your own blood abandons or lets you down. Children with more than one partner is a regular occurrence (for both men and women). If you have read my previous blog - Baby Mama  - then you will know that I am one of these women, having 2 children by 2 different men. My children know and understand they have different fathers but as far as they are concerned, they are just sisters. There is no half in the equation. They fight like sisters, joke like sisters and love each other like sisters. They have the same childhood, they have the same family, same experiences and as they grow older, the same memories. Even on the days when they are physically beating each other, screaming and shouting, their relationship with each other is beautiful to me. And it reminds me of how different my relationship is with my own siblings. I am th...

As I am now  in my thirties, I can officially be classed as a cougar. These days we are constantly told that "age ain't nothing but a number" and that you can love whomever you want to as long as they are of a legal age. I have always gravitated towards older men myself but the stigma of an older woman dating a younger man is long gone and hot ladies (cougars, milfs) dating fit young men is pretty much seen as the norm. Now, I know as well as you do that I'm missing the "hot" part of being a cougar; and I've never been called a milf in my life! But I still had a crack at it! And as always it didn't quite work out for me....,., I was 29 talking to "K" who said he was 27. Ok, fair enough I thought. Get involved with some cougar action, why not? Things were going well, we arranged to meet. I was driving up to the designated meeting point and there is no way this boy is 27. He looked like his pictures sure enough and I get that some people...

As you all know by now, I am forever single. The living embodiment of the crazy cat lady. But some people, who don't know me well are unaware of this fact. It was at college on Friday when a classmate and I were chatting; she asked me in her thick Romanian accent, "You are married?" When I'd finished laughing hysterically at the question,  I answered "No. There's no man in my life". At which point she replied " Ah, you are a lesbian." Now there was no question mark at the end of that statement, it was said as fact and she nodded knowingly. Before I could respond, a chorus of questions and banter erupted around the room full of women. Telling me I was better off away from men blah, blah, blah. I let them carry on for a few minutes before I told them that actually no, I was all about the mans! I just couldn't get one. But what I noticed was the curiosity. Official statistics tell us that more than 50% of women in the UK are bi-curious and...

To me, my weight is all consuming, and has been for a good part of my adult life. I've starved myself, tried meal replacements, joined slimming world and weight watchers. I've tried the raw food diet, the cabbage soup diet, cut out all sugar, joined boot camps; things work for a while but then stop. Why you may ask? Because when it comes to food, I'm a liar and a cheat. I know every trick in the book! I know exactly what to eat, when to eat and how to exercise, I'm not stupid or lazy. But I am greedy. And OBSESSED with food. It's my everything. My best friend, my reward, my consolation and my punishment. I lie to myself that I'll do better tomorrow. I cheat myself out of feeling and looking good. A few years ago I cheated on my biggest weight loss attempt yet. I was desperate, things had got wildly out of control. At 5'3, I weighed nearly 21 stone. The biggest I've ever been. I was stuck in my crazy eating cycle and the bigger I got, the more depressed ...

This blog is a little different in that it wasn't just a date but a relationship. A very short lived one! But a relationship none the less. J lived a few doors down from my friend, who I visited regularly. We had smiled at each other once or twice but that was it. Until one day my friend called me to say J had asked if I was single. I asked my friend to write him a note for me with my number on and post it through his door. Aww, a teenage romance I hear you say! Nope. I was 27. He called me that same day and although we had little in common, I thought he was ok and so it began.... After  a few days I realised we didn't have little in common, we actually had nothing in common. He bored me and I annoyed him; it was obvious from the start. He had an obsession with his car, not letting my kids in it in case it got dirty, washing it at least 3 times a week. We decided we wanted to go to winter wonderland at hyde park but as my kids weren't allowed in his car, we had to ask ...

In this day and age, body positivity is everywhere. We are all supposed to love our bodies, adore the skin we're in! Thick girls are winning and bones are for dogs- real men want curves. Honestly, I think real men can want whatever the hell they like but  hey ho. I've tried to get involved. I've tried to feel it. But I just don't. I'm a fat girl and I hate the skin I'm in. There. I've said it! Now, don't get me wrong. Everyone should like themselves. Love yourself if you can. But when I read articles of 600lb women loving life, saying they are thick, fluffy, curvy and there is nothing fat girls can't do!! I get cross. I get cross because I weigh nowhere near that weight and there is plenty I can't do. Ride a  bike without my bum eating the saddle, fit on amusement park rides, comfortably do up an airplane seatbelt, ride a horse (something I miss terribly) eat in public without ridicule. The list is endless. These are just a few things off the t...

This date actually happened a few years ago. I met T on POF.  His messages were sometimes written in very broken English so I asked him where he was from; he replied that he was from Hackney and just hated typing messages. Fair enough I thought. One evening I was child free. My friend... I'd best not use her real name... lets call her Smelen, arrived at my door, also child free. We were young, free and single so decided to go on a double date! T had been asking to see me so I messaged him asking if he was free? He was and so was his friend. We agreed to meet at the local leisure park and I asked for his phone number in case there was a problem or we were running late. It should have been my first red flag that he was SO hesitant to let me have it... So we were all tarted up and on our way to the Leisure park. I'd worn heels and was teetering about, top heavy with a throbbing bunion but I felt good! Until we missed the train because of my very slow teetering. I called him t...

I had a babysitter and I was doing it. I was going on a date. I'd met S on POF (plenty of fish dating site). He seemed nice, a hard worker, ok banter. I'd cancelled 5 dates we had arranged over the past 3 months and if I didn't want him to give up on me, that night had to happen. I was getting ready and I received a text - I'm too tired to drive. U come here. I'm not going to lie, I was annoyed. I'd wanted a glass of wine  but that was out the window now I had to drive. It bothered me he'd left it so late but I decided to be cool about it. I finished getting ready and off I went, dolled up anticipating a lovely meal out. Cruising optimistically to the picturesque town of Dunstable... I arrived and he walked over to my car. Wearing crappy jogging bottoms, sagging ridiculously low and a t-shirt with some very suspicious looking stains. There went my hopes for a nice meal. Instead he informed me we were going for a romantic walk. Around a rough council estat...

So who am I? A question I don't ever think about really. I'm a mum. A single mum. A Home Educating mum. A mum of a child with disabilities.  A broke mum. A fat mum! I'm NOT a yummy mummy but I'm always striving to be a good mum. But boy, surely I'm more than just that?! I know I was 15 years ago. Ok, I'm a friend too. I only have about 2 friends if I'm honest (quality over quantity, thank you very much) But I know I'm a good friend. I'm someone who struggles with their weight and is starting their millionth weightloss journey. I'm someone who is single, has been for years and probably will be for many more. I'm an animal lover, vegetarian (yes, some of us are obese! shock horror!) We own ponies, a very handsome dog and 2 kitty cats. I'm lazy. I'm rude. Sometimes bad tempered. I'm someone who'd love to save the planet but consistently forgets to bring my whimsical tote bags to Tesco (they are  ridiculously expensive by th...