Drama Queen.
This blog is a little different in that it wasn't just a date but a relationship. A very short lived one! But a relationship none the less.
J lived a few doors down from my friend, who I visited regularly. We had smiled at each other once or twice but that was it. Until one day my friend called me to say J had asked if I was single. I asked my friend to write him a note for me with my number on and post it through his door. Aww, a teenage romance I hear you say! Nope. I was 27.
He called me that same day and although we had little in common, I thought he was ok and so it began....
After a few days I realised we didn't have little in common, we actually had nothing in common. He bored me and I annoyed him; it was obvious from the start. He had an obsession with his car, not letting my kids in it in case it got dirty, washing it at least 3 times a week. We decided we wanted to go to winter wonderland at hyde park but as my kids weren't allowed in his car, we had to ask my mum and step dad to come so they could travel with them. What should have been a lovely day out was bloody awful! He moaned non stop about everything but being charged £7 for a jacket potato and fanta was the final straw for him; he just stopped talking. Completely! For the rest of the day, in front of my family. Nice.
Unfortunately for me, any other time he was a big talker and everything he said made me want to rip my own eyes out, just for something to do to alleviate the chronic boredom! Jesus, it was never ending. Who needs an hour long conversation over what they had for lunch?! You had a chicken salad sandwich, big deal, well done, end of story! Then there was the huge problem of sex.....
It was awful. We were both terrible together, awkward, uncomfortable, every once in a while there was some premature ejaculation issues or sometimes no hard willy at all! And with my massive insecurities, this was no Bueno. I remember once I wanted to spice things up so while driving to go out one evening, I told him I wasn't wearing any knickers under my skirt. How saucy I thought! Well, he went flipping nuts! He threw me out of the car and starting scrubbing the passenger seat with some sort of spray from the glove box. He called me a whore and a pervert. I walked home across town alone with a heavy sense of shame and no pants on. Turns out I wasn't saucy after all.
It was a crap relationship, boring and going nowhere so imagine how surprised I was at my reaction when he ended it- I lost my shit. In hindsight I can only think it was just one rejection too many. That's my only defence! I cried, screamed, begged him to stay, physically barricaded my front door to stop him leaving and for whatever reason I smashed a dinner plate over my head. He was terrified! He tried to make another break for the door, I sprang after him wearing just my dressing gown and undies, my thighs and belly apron slapped as I ran. The loud clapping sound obviously caught him off guard as he looked over his shoulder. I seized my chance, launched myself at him and rugby tackled him to the floor! He yelped in pain as his face hit the deck, giving him a huge carpet burn on his cheek. He must have realised by this point that I had a good 4 stone on him and gave up the fight. To appease me he said he would stay with me until I fell asleep then we could talk about things in the morning. I agreed and climbed into bed, worn out with all my craziness. He sat in the armchair in the corner of my room. I'd won, he was staying.
It was about 10 minutes later that I came to my senses and realised what the hell I'd done! Why?! Why had I done that!? I turned and looked at him.
"J?" I said softly.
"yeah" he replied.
" This is a bit awkward after what just happened but I think I want it to be over. Can you get out?"
After he had called me every name under the sun, he stormed down my hallway towards my front door
"Can you close it properly please?" I called
He slammed my door so hard it nearly shattered the glass, my whole flat shook with the force!
"Seriously?" I remember thinking to myself removing a shard of dinner plate from my hair "What a drama queen".
J lived a few doors down from my friend, who I visited regularly. We had smiled at each other once or twice but that was it. Until one day my friend called me to say J had asked if I was single. I asked my friend to write him a note for me with my number on and post it through his door. Aww, a teenage romance I hear you say! Nope. I was 27.
He called me that same day and although we had little in common, I thought he was ok and so it began....
After a few days I realised we didn't have little in common, we actually had nothing in common. He bored me and I annoyed him; it was obvious from the start. He had an obsession with his car, not letting my kids in it in case it got dirty, washing it at least 3 times a week. We decided we wanted to go to winter wonderland at hyde park but as my kids weren't allowed in his car, we had to ask my mum and step dad to come so they could travel with them. What should have been a lovely day out was bloody awful! He moaned non stop about everything but being charged £7 for a jacket potato and fanta was the final straw for him; he just stopped talking. Completely! For the rest of the day, in front of my family. Nice.
Unfortunately for me, any other time he was a big talker and everything he said made me want to rip my own eyes out, just for something to do to alleviate the chronic boredom! Jesus, it was never ending. Who needs an hour long conversation over what they had for lunch?! You had a chicken salad sandwich, big deal, well done, end of story! Then there was the huge problem of sex.....
It was awful. We were both terrible together, awkward, uncomfortable, every once in a while there was some premature ejaculation issues or sometimes no hard willy at all! And with my massive insecurities, this was no Bueno. I remember once I wanted to spice things up so while driving to go out one evening, I told him I wasn't wearing any knickers under my skirt. How saucy I thought! Well, he went flipping nuts! He threw me out of the car and starting scrubbing the passenger seat with some sort of spray from the glove box. He called me a whore and a pervert. I walked home across town alone with a heavy sense of shame and no pants on. Turns out I wasn't saucy after all.
It was a crap relationship, boring and going nowhere so imagine how surprised I was at my reaction when he ended it- I lost my shit. In hindsight I can only think it was just one rejection too many. That's my only defence! I cried, screamed, begged him to stay, physically barricaded my front door to stop him leaving and for whatever reason I smashed a dinner plate over my head. He was terrified! He tried to make another break for the door, I sprang after him wearing just my dressing gown and undies, my thighs and belly apron slapped as I ran. The loud clapping sound obviously caught him off guard as he looked over his shoulder. I seized my chance, launched myself at him and rugby tackled him to the floor! He yelped in pain as his face hit the deck, giving him a huge carpet burn on his cheek. He must have realised by this point that I had a good 4 stone on him and gave up the fight. To appease me he said he would stay with me until I fell asleep then we could talk about things in the morning. I agreed and climbed into bed, worn out with all my craziness. He sat in the armchair in the corner of my room. I'd won, he was staying.
It was about 10 minutes later that I came to my senses and realised what the hell I'd done! Why?! Why had I done that!? I turned and looked at him.
"J?" I said softly.
"yeah" he replied.
" This is a bit awkward after what just happened but I think I want it to be over. Can you get out?"
After he had called me every name under the sun, he stormed down my hallway towards my front door
"Can you close it properly please?" I called
He slammed my door so hard it nearly shattered the glass, my whole flat shook with the force!
"Seriously?" I remember thinking to myself removing a shard of dinner plate from my hair "What a drama queen".
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