Baby mama
I was reading a thread on FB and it got me thinking about my own situation. Am I a typical "Baby mama"? Am I a bitter woman who uses my children as a weapon?...
I have 2 children by 2 different dads. Now society is far more tolerant about this sort of thing and sadly, it's almost the norm nowadays to have children by multiple partners. But a huge amount of the comments on the thread I was reading were scathing about it. Is that how I'm seen? Someone who couldn't keep her legs shut? A woman who tried to trap a man by becoming pregnant? Looking for a cash cow for 18 years? It saddens me to think that could be how I am seen by some because that is not who I am.
I never talk about my childrens fathers and I'm never really asked. I'm not ashamed of how my children came to be but perhaps I should be, I don't know. All I know is they're here and they're mine.
I met Tanisha's dad at a laundrette in Leyton when I lived in Walthamstow. He wasn't the love of my life. In fact I didn't love him at all. But he was persistent and I was lonely. A few too many shots one night and there I was, pregnant. How romantic. We didn't particularly like each other and nothing has changed. He has no involvement in her life and doesn't contribute financially. I don't chase or beg. Tanisha has her own phone but he still chooses not to contact her. The sad thing is, she doesn't even care.
I didn't try to trap him or keep him. I've never harassed him or chased him. It was my choice to keep her and it was his choice not to be involved.
Dolly's dad was a friend. I met him at Carnival one year, we swapped numbers and had a friendship via text. He lived in Brixton, I was living outside of London by then and it just seemed as if we weren't destined to ever meet again. But we did. One night I had a babysitter, nowhere to go, nothing to do so I found myself at Brixton tube station. . We drank, ate cheese toasties and made a baby. I liked Dolly's dad. He was tall, handsome and funny. I hoped when I left the following morning that it would be the start of something more... It wasn't.
I phoned him 2 months later when I realised I was pregnant. He told me he actually had a girlfriend, a son and wasn't interested. If I disrespected him by keeping it, I'd be on my own. We all know I'm the Queen of disrespect so naturally, Dolly is here today.
Again, I don't beg or chase. I never contacted him again and he never contacted me. He doesn't know if I kept her or anything about her. Never paid a penny. And I don't hate him for that! I don't hate either of them. I just feel sad about the irresponsible choices that I made and the price my girls have to pay for it. I've never gone to the CSA, I've always worked hard and provided by myself. I'm sure some people feel strongly that men in this situation should be forced to take some responsibility. I disagree. How can you force someone to do what is right? How can you force someone to feel love towards their own if it's not there? I've given my girls a bloody good life with lots of experiences and love. I've never kept either man from their children. If they wanted to see their daughters tomorrow, I wouldn't make it difficult or uncomfortable. Regardless of what the media/social media would have you believe, not all women who are left holding the baby are spiteful and punish the children for their failed relationships. I even bite my tongue from bitchy comments on the very rare occasions they are mentioned in the hope that my girls don't have any resentment toward them.
So am I typical Baby mama? Nah. Just a mum who made bad choices. Shit happens, eh?
I have 2 children by 2 different dads. Now society is far more tolerant about this sort of thing and sadly, it's almost the norm nowadays to have children by multiple partners. But a huge amount of the comments on the thread I was reading were scathing about it. Is that how I'm seen? Someone who couldn't keep her legs shut? A woman who tried to trap a man by becoming pregnant? Looking for a cash cow for 18 years? It saddens me to think that could be how I am seen by some because that is not who I am.
I never talk about my childrens fathers and I'm never really asked. I'm not ashamed of how my children came to be but perhaps I should be, I don't know. All I know is they're here and they're mine.
I met Tanisha's dad at a laundrette in Leyton when I lived in Walthamstow. He wasn't the love of my life. In fact I didn't love him at all. But he was persistent and I was lonely. A few too many shots one night and there I was, pregnant. How romantic. We didn't particularly like each other and nothing has changed. He has no involvement in her life and doesn't contribute financially. I don't chase or beg. Tanisha has her own phone but he still chooses not to contact her. The sad thing is, she doesn't even care.
I didn't try to trap him or keep him. I've never harassed him or chased him. It was my choice to keep her and it was his choice not to be involved.
Dolly's dad was a friend. I met him at Carnival one year, we swapped numbers and had a friendship via text. He lived in Brixton, I was living outside of London by then and it just seemed as if we weren't destined to ever meet again. But we did. One night I had a babysitter, nowhere to go, nothing to do so I found myself at Brixton tube station. . We drank, ate cheese toasties and made a baby. I liked Dolly's dad. He was tall, handsome and funny. I hoped when I left the following morning that it would be the start of something more... It wasn't.
I phoned him 2 months later when I realised I was pregnant. He told me he actually had a girlfriend, a son and wasn't interested. If I disrespected him by keeping it, I'd be on my own. We all know I'm the Queen of disrespect so naturally, Dolly is here today.
Again, I don't beg or chase. I never contacted him again and he never contacted me. He doesn't know if I kept her or anything about her. Never paid a penny. And I don't hate him for that! I don't hate either of them. I just feel sad about the irresponsible choices that I made and the price my girls have to pay for it. I've never gone to the CSA, I've always worked hard and provided by myself. I'm sure some people feel strongly that men in this situation should be forced to take some responsibility. I disagree. How can you force someone to do what is right? How can you force someone to feel love towards their own if it's not there? I've given my girls a bloody good life with lots of experiences and love. I've never kept either man from their children. If they wanted to see their daughters tomorrow, I wouldn't make it difficult or uncomfortable. Regardless of what the media/social media would have you believe, not all women who are left holding the baby are spiteful and punish the children for their failed relationships. I even bite my tongue from bitchy comments on the very rare occasions they are mentioned in the hope that my girls don't have any resentment toward them.
So am I typical Baby mama? Nah. Just a mum who made bad choices. Shit happens, eh?
I am absolutely shocked at this!
ReplyDeleteI am Tanishas aunty and me and my family have been blocked from seeing her for absolutely no reason! You have brainwashed and manipulated Tanisha to block us out!.
This is actually child abuse.
One day the truth will unfold and my niece will know what you have done to her. She will probably need counselling or therapy because she will be confused as to why you was not letting her see the other side of the family. I actually feel very sorry for you and hope that one day you seek the help that you need because karma is very real but the person I feel the most sorry for is Tanisha and Dolly to have a narcissistic mother such as yourself!
We will always be there for Tanisha wether you like it or not! We have birthday and Christmas presents/cards letters that we have kept for Tanisha over the years that you have blocked her from receiving.
If you are going to write a blog the least you could do is tell the truth! What you have done is defamed my brothers character which is unlawful. We are all tired of your games.
What is the reason to keep Tanisha away from her family? It’s time to be a women and right your wrongs before it’s too late.