Unicorns and all that jazz

This date actually happened a few years ago. I met T on POF.  His messages were sometimes written in very broken English so I asked him where he was from; he replied that he was from Hackney and just hated typing messages. Fair enough I thought. One evening I was child free. My friend... I'd best not use her real name... lets call her Smelen, arrived at my door, also child free. We were young, free and single so decided to go on a double date! T had been asking to see me so I messaged him asking if he was free? He was and so was his friend. We agreed to meet at the local leisure park and I asked for his phone number in case there was a problem or we were running late. It should have been my first red flag that he was SO hesitant to let me have it... So we were all tarted up and on our way to the Leisure park. I'd worn heels and was teetering about, top heavy with a throbbing bunion but I felt good! Until we missed the train because of my very slow teetering. I called him t...

I was reading a thread on FB and it got me thinking about my own situation. Am I a typical "Baby mama"? Am I a bitter woman who uses my children as a weapon?...  I have 2 children by 2 different dads. Now society is far more tolerant about this sort of thing and sadly, it's almost the norm nowadays to have children by multiple partners. But a huge amount of the comments on the thread I was reading were scathing about it. Is that how I'm seen? Someone who couldn't keep her legs shut? A woman who tried to trap a man by becoming pregnant? Looking for a cash cow for 18 years? It saddens me to think that could be how I am seen by some because that is not who I am. I never talk about my childrens fathers and I'm never really asked. I'm not ashamed of how my children came to be but perhaps I should be, I don't know. All I know is they're here and they're mine. I met Tanisha's dad at a laundrette in Leyton when I lived in Walthamstow. He wasn...

I had a babysitter and I was doing it. I was going on a date. I'd met S on POF (plenty of fish dating site). He seemed nice, a hard worker, ok banter. I'd cancelled 5 dates we had arranged over the past 3 months and if I didn't want him to give up on me, that night had to happen. I was getting ready and I received a text - I'm too tired to drive. U come here. I'm not going to lie, I was annoyed. I'd wanted a glass of wine  but that was out the window now I had to drive. It bothered me he'd left it so late but I decided to be cool about it. I finished getting ready and off I went, dolled up anticipating a lovely meal out. Cruising optimistically to the picturesque town of Dunstable... I arrived and he walked over to my car. Wearing crappy jogging bottoms, sagging ridiculously low and a t-shirt with some very suspicious looking stains. There went my hopes for a nice meal. Instead he informed me we were going for a romantic walk. Around a rough council estat...

My first born and my first love is Tanisha. She is 13 and really not your typical teenager for this generation. She's quiet and shy which means people don't realise how hilarious she is. The girl is funny. Her passions are horses, knitting, crochet and sewing (told you she wasn't your typical teenager!)  She is talented, creative, empathetic. She doesn't follow trends and the only boys she cares about are 4 legged (geldings) She is my perfect chubby babes and I realise by calling her perfect I put a huge amount of pressure on her to live up to it! I don't mean to. But she is everything I wish I had been and I'm a sad old bag and want to live vicariously through her. My second daughter and tiny baby is Dolly. Or Dolores if we have to be official or fancy. She is 9 and the polar opposite of her sister. Loud, confident, popular, excels at anything sporty. Life looks like it comes so easily to her! But it doesn't. ASD (autism) learning difficulties,...

So who am I? A question I don't ever think about really. I'm a mum. A single mum. A Home Educating mum. A mum of a child with disabilities.  A broke mum. A fat mum! I'm NOT a yummy mummy but I'm always striving to be a good mum. But boy, surely I'm more than just that?! I know I was 15 years ago. Ok, I'm a friend too. I only have about 2 friends if I'm honest (quality over quantity, thank you very much) But I know I'm a good friend. I'm someone who struggles with their weight and is starting their millionth weightloss journey. I'm someone who is single, has been for years and probably will be for many more. I'm an animal lover, vegetarian (yes, some of us are obese! shock horror!) We own ponies, a very handsome dog and 2 kitty cats. I'm lazy. I'm rude. Sometimes bad tempered. I'm someone who'd love to save the planet but consistently forgets to bring my whimsical tote bags to Tesco (they are  ridiculously expensive by th...