Unicorns and all that jazz

To me, my weight is all consuming, and has been for a good part of my adult life. I've starved myself, tried meal replacements, joined slimming world and weight watchers. I've tried the raw food diet, the cabbage soup diet, cut out all sugar, joined boot camps; things work for a while but then stop. Why you may ask? Because when it comes to food, I'm a liar and a cheat. I know every trick in the book! I know exactly what to eat, when to eat and how to exercise, I'm not stupid or lazy. But I am greedy. And OBSESSED with food. It's my everything. My best friend, my reward, my consolation and my punishment. I lie to myself that I'll do better tomorrow. I cheat myself out of feeling and looking good. A few years ago I cheated on my biggest weight loss attempt yet. I was desperate, things had got wildly out of control. At 5'3, I weighed nearly 21 stone. The biggest I've ever been. I was stuck in my crazy eating cycle and the bigger I got, the more depressed ...

This blog is a little different in that it wasn't just a date but a relationship. A very short lived one! But a relationship none the less. J lived a few doors down from my friend, who I visited regularly. We had smiled at each other once or twice but that was it. Until one day my friend called me to say J had asked if I was single. I asked my friend to write him a note for me with my number on and post it through his door. Aww, a teenage romance I hear you say! Nope. I was 27. He called me that same day and although we had little in common, I thought he was ok and so it began.... After  a few days I realised we didn't have little in common, we actually had nothing in common. He bored me and I annoyed him; it was obvious from the start. He had an obsession with his car, not letting my kids in it in case it got dirty, washing it at least 3 times a week. We decided we wanted to go to winter wonderland at hyde park but as my kids weren't allowed in his car, we had to ask ...

In this day and age, body positivity is everywhere. We are all supposed to love our bodies, adore the skin we're in! Thick girls are winning and bones are for dogs- real men want curves. Honestly, I think real men can want whatever the hell they like but  hey ho. I've tried to get involved. I've tried to feel it. But I just don't. I'm a fat girl and I hate the skin I'm in. There. I've said it! Now, don't get me wrong. Everyone should like themselves. Love yourself if you can. But when I read articles of 600lb women loving life, saying they are thick, fluffy, curvy and there is nothing fat girls can't do!! I get cross. I get cross because I weigh nowhere near that weight and there is plenty I can't do. Ride a  bike without my bum eating the saddle, fit on amusement park rides, comfortably do up an airplane seatbelt, ride a horse (something I miss terribly) eat in public without ridicule. The list is endless. These are just a few things off the t...